Hey friends, if you are here, I wish you a healthy life and hope you are doing great physically and mentally. And please take care of your health. I learned it the hard way. Though I always preach about work-life balance, I ended up screwing up my health.

I will share my journey, how I fought an invisible battle, and where I am currently. There was a point in my life when I thought I was a failure at work and not a good enough engineer.

What happened

In April 2024, my wife and I went for a full-body checkup, as we had hardly done it since we moved to Germany. We got our reports after a week, and my doctor gave me the bad news, I had symptoms of diabetes, and my blood sugar was 270 in the report.

She was surprised at how I could do my day-to-day work as I should have mainly been sleeping; she was not wrong; that was what I was doing, and my doctor mentioned she could write me a note to take some days off.

Impact on Mental Health

In the past three years, I have doubted myself thousands of times. If I was a good engineer, one thing that helped me succeed over the years was my confidence that I could do anything.

I started to question myself: how did I end up here?

It was all stress when Peter Parker stopped believing in himself in Spider-Man. I am not saying I am a superhero, but it was the same: everything was due to stress.

What happened 3 years ago, in Jan 2022, was I moved to Germany, and I was away from my family for 10 months, which caused me mental stress. With no support in a new country, it started impacting my health.

I have been under stress before; I struggled financially for almost my entire life and went through a phase where my wife and I were fighting every day to save our daughter and praying to god that she would come back home soon.

But I always had my wife, daughter, and some amazing friends by my side, and we survived that phase. But not having my family and friends after moving to a new country was painful.

After moving to Germany, I started underperforming at my first job and saw no future at the organization.

What happened 3 years ago as I moved to Germany, and I was away from my family for 10 months, which caused me mental stress. With no support in a new country, it started impacting my health.

Impact on work

I was lucky to join Celonis in Aug 2022, where my co-workers and employer gave me the support I wanted.

For the first time in eight months, someone believed in me. I met some friends from the Indian community, which gave me some confidence back. My family joined me soon, but the damage was already done.

But I kept questioning myself if I was good enough.

Questioning myself on every project

At Celonis, there were and still are many people who believed in me, but I want to be honest: I did not; I kept questioning myself on every project I worked on.

I used to feel bad and often became defensive when I received PR review comments or broke an app due to a coding mistake I made. However, that was never the intention of the people I worked with.

I was scared to ask for feedback, and even worse, I was scared to ask for help if I struggled at work; I used to think that if I reached out to someone within the team for help, others might think I was not a good engineer.

I was working on some initiatives, which were multi-quarter efforts, and I used to wonder why it was taking this long and why I was doing this.

There were times when I used to think I was part of this project because my team thought I was not good enough for anything else, and I also believed I was a failure.

However, my managers and team believed I was the best person to complete the project.

I was scared to ask for help, there were times when I used to think I was part of this project because my team thought I was not good enough for anything else.

Making my health worse

One thing I love more than anything is getting myself involved in the community; after joining Celonis, I started speaking at conferences worldwide and completely ignored my health. From October 2022 to October 2024, I was in more than 20 countries, sharing my knowledge on Angular, Nx, GitHub, and Open Source.

I could feel physically and mentally that I was finding it hard; I was sleeping for more than 12 hours a day, still trying to find time for public speaking.

From October 2022 to November 2023, I spoke at conferences every month, requiring significant effort to prepare content, practice my talk, and travel. This constant cycle was physically and mentally exhausting.

By the end of 2023 I was close to another burnout.

Forcing myself was a bad call; always listen to your body.

‘If you do not make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness’. By the end of 2023 I was close to another burnout.

The above lines are so true. My body started forcing me to take that time, but I didn’t like it.

Once I was diagnosed, I realized that going through mental and physical stress was the reason for diabetes.

How am I doing now

In the past few months, my mental and physical health has been much better than where I was last year. I am lucky to have Celonis as my employer; the first thing I decided to do after getting diagnosed was take a vacation, and my manager and co-workers fully supported my decision.

I went to Amsterdam with my family and enjoyed exploring its beauty and nearby places.

I also got an appointment with my diabetes doctor in April 2024. My reports were scary; my doctor thought it was type 1 diabetes and gave me insulin to use for a few days, but in 2 weeks, we got the report, and it was Type 2.

My doctor’s first question was, “Are you physically active? Do you go for a walk or run?”

My answer was “No,” and I felt terrible; I bought this day on myself, prioritizing everything apart from my health. I was not eating healthy, either.

My doctor advised me on what I could eat and what I should avoid eating and asked me to start becoming more physically active.

I stopped eating sugar on 15th April 2024 and started walking daily. I also wanted to monitor my health, so I invested in a good fitness watch and bought a Garmin Venu 3. I recommend investing in a good fitness watch.

Giving up sugar was not easy; I had to prepare myself mentally; I asked myself if I was going to live on insulin for the rest of my life or make changes to my lifestyle and eating habits so that I would live healthy.

The answer was simple, live healthy.

Running was never in my mind. Initially, I started walking on my treadmill and going for walks outside, but I decided to give it a try and start running over the next few months.

It became a hobby, and I started running three times a week. It became a schedule; no matter what I was doing or where I was, I just left everything and went for a run.

On 15th April 2024, I stopped eating sugar and started running. It became a hobby, and I started running three times a week.

I am physically and mentally in the best shape of my life.

Whenever I think I won’t have time to run today, I just remember, “You will always have excuses, and Jan from the office said it best.”

So, if you want to do something which is important, do it. “There are always a million reasons not to do something.”

At work, I am doing great. I was always scared to ask for feedback and a promotion, but now I feel ready for my promotion. I asked my colleagues for feedback and got some fantastic feedback, which made me think I was not a failure; I never was.

I posted my recent picture and my before and after my picture. I am so proud of my health now.

I asked my colleagues for feedback and got some fantastic feedback, which made me think I was not a failure; I never was.

Taking a break from Public Speaking

In life, nothing is free; everything comes at a cost. In the past three years, the cost of everything was compromising my health and family time.

After fixing my health, sleeping 8 hours a day is enough for me; I have 24+ hrs weekly and more energy. I started feeling like I could do more, but at what cost.

I asked my friends in the GitHub Stars Slack channel the same question: What would they do if they were in this situation?

The answer was

”Whenever you say “yes” to Something, you’re saying “no” to Something else, Something more important to you and your family”

I’m not going to lie; I felt terrible. I was doing Something that was not important to my family.

I also found myself in a situation where I was not enjoying conferences anymore. Although I gave my all and never compromised on the quality, I needed more time.

The decision was not easy, but I took a step back to focus more on my health and family and do important things for my family.

What’s the Plan?

• Get a Permanent Residency in Germany.
• Get a driver’s license.
• Get the promotion at work.
• Enroll in swimming classes for my family next summer.
• Run a half marathon.

What about community, you say?

I will continue to share my knowledge, but I will focus on other channels, such as writing, videos, and podcasts.

Closing Notes

Maintaining a balance between family, work, and community can be challenging. Take time for yourself, exercise, and eat healthy.

Always prioritize family and take enough rest when you are stressed out.

Eating healthy makes a big difference; one should go for a yearly body checkup.

Pick up a hobby. Running is my hobby now. I try to go for a run three times a week and walk five miles every day.

I took some time off to come to terms with my illness, which helped clear my mind about what I wanted to do next, and I discovered the beauty of Amsterdam.